Need
by the.blue.dinosaur
Summary: "He wanted him more than he had ever wanted anything in his life." RL/SB. Slash. Don't like, don't read.


**A/N: Um… Okay. This is my first slash ever, ha. (: I love the Remus/Sirius pairing, and I decided to try my hand at it. I guess, just tell me how it is, if it's horrible or if I should try this pairing again. (:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters I mention.**

**Enjoy!**

Need

3:15 PM.

"Sirius."

He snapped his head up, tearing his gaze away from the book—of course, the book, not the person _holding_ the book—and James snickered. "You might want to be a bit more subtle, mate."

Sirius gave him a look, grabbing his things and putting them in his bag. "Don't know what you're talking about."

James sighed, lacing his fingers together and setting them on the table. "I know that's a lie, and so do you. I'm cool with it, and so is Pete. But I swear to Merlin, Sirius, if you hurt him, if you're going to snog him once and leave, you're going to have me to deal with. Not to mention Lily."

Sirius shrugged, and packed up. "I think you're mistaken," he said, tone cool, and rolled his eyes. "I gotta go. It's a bit too noisy for my taste." He left the library, James just staring after him and shaking his head. The dormitory would be _much_ quieter.

5:15 PM.

_He's right._

There was the voice again, the one that seemed to think that Sirius could just grab Remus, just grab him and snog him, could be with him.

Sirius shook his head, grabbing a piece of parchment. _The Goblin Revolution—_

_James seems to think he feels the same way._

Sirius sighed. That, as much as he hated to admit it, was the truth; James wouldn't lead him on, wouldn't tell him to get with his _best friend_ if he wasn't sure said best friend would be okay with the idea.

Would he?

Sirius groaned, rubbing his eyes. This was so bloody _difficult_, unnecessarily so. He couldn't fall for a bird, oh, no. He had to fall for a guy.

A sexy, handsome, smart, absolutely bloody _amazing_ guy, but all the same. Sirius growled softly. With a bird, he could ask her on a date and no one would think him strange, whether or not she said no; with Remus, well, he could smash their entire friendship if he wanted to, and Sirius knew he'd rather want Remus from afar than risk everything they had, even if it was nowhere near what he wanted.

Remus walked in, grinning at something James was saying, and Sirius' heart stopped. Just _looking_ at him made him grit his teeth, in anger or longing or some other, unnamable emotion.

"What's wrong?" The voice floated over to him, and Sirius snapped his head up, shocked and appalled and crazily happy to see Remus' head floating, a foot away from his.

Sirius shrugged. "Nothing. Just tired, trying to finish the essay." He grimaced. "Can't seem to start it right."

"Need help?" Remus' voice was touching, soft and sweet, and Sirius could only nod, his breath catching in his throat as Remus sat by him, explaining the Goblins and unloading a wave of understanding, the way only Remus could.

He had to let him know.

"Remus?" Sirius' voice was soft, much too soft, and he felt any bravery he might have had leave him as Remus looked at him with his big, chocolate brown eyes.

"Yeah, Padfoot?" There was laughter in Remus' eyes, as well as understanding, and Sirius couldn't do it, couldn't tell his best friend that he was—no way.

He felt his face break out into a grin. "Want to just write the essay for me?"

Remus chuckled, shaking his head, and got up. He clapped Padfoot on the back. "G'night, Pads."

Sirius nodded, feeling his throat tighten up in anger or something—for sure, not sadness. That was _far_ too girly an emotion for Sirius Black, poof or not.

And finally, he fell asleep.

4:15 PM.

The boys were absolute _idiots_, James decided, running to Charms. Sirius and Remus were so obviously in love, it was _sickening_, and they both had their heads so far up the other's arses that they couldn't see that the other was in love with them, too.

He'd tried talking to them, oh, boy, he had, but they were adamant. "_I don't know what you're talking about," _Sirius had said, and Remus had just stared at him. "_What?_"

He had to do something drastic, or they'd never figure it out. He didn't really want to see his two best friends snogging, but he did want them to be happy, and he figured that losing his appetite at breakfast would be a small price to pay to finally get them together. This was years in the making, though. He couldn't afford to mess it up.

5:30 PM.

"Moony."

Remus looked up, cocking an eyebrow and setting down his book. "Yeah?"

James sighed. "You're in love with Sirius, aren't you?"

Remus laughed. "What?"

"Sirius. You want him."

Remus shook his head. "Sorry, you have the wrong lycanthrope." He opened his book, but James set his hand on it, blocking Remus' view.

"Remus. Do not lie to me. I'm going to ask you once more, and I'll go with whatever answer you give me. Do you or do you not want one Sirius Black in a manner more than friends?"

They looked at each other, Remus weighing the answers in his mind. He chewed the inside of his cheek. On one hand, he _could_ tell James, finally get the secret out. On the other hand… What if James was just fishing, just looking for a way to finally ditch the freak werewolf?

But he couldn't lie, not to James.

"Yeah," he finally said, and then James was attacking him, hugging him so hard he couldn't breathe. "Uh, James? You do realize it was _Sirius_ I said I wanted, not you, right?" It was a horrible joke, not even funny as he said it, but he had to say something.

James laughed, shaking his head. "Don't worry, I don't want you in that way." He shuddered slightly. "No offense—my heart just belongs to Evans." He winked at Remus, and they laughed for a minute.

Remus shrugged. "So what's it matter? Now you know I'm a poof? You gonna ditch me?" It was casual, but Remus could almost feel the terror in his words.

James shook his head. "No bloody way. I'm going to hook you two up."

"Wait—James—Sirius doesn't—no."

James laughed, getting up. "You'll see. Gotta go."

Remus groaned, covering his face. This could only end one way, one _plausible _way, and then he'd be screwed.

He got up. He had to end this for himself, to save himself the embarrassment of being rejected through his friend. He had to snog his best mate.

_There's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one._

5:30 PM.

He was sitting on his bed, damn him, looking absolutely bloody adorable, biting his lip and reading. It was obvious he didn't understand; and who could blame him? Binns was an awful teacher. Remus felt an irrational wave of anger at Binns, for making Sirius feel dumb, for not teaching well enough, and before he could stop himself, he was walking to Sirius, helping him, and all he could smell was that _Padfoot_ smell, earthy and some sort of cologne that nobody in their right mind would buy but that fit Padfoot perfectly.

He was set to do it, to lean over and kiss him, when Sirius asked him something, said his name, and his confidence was shattered. Sirius was teasing him, and Remus could only smile and go to bed, no matter how much he wanted to stay right where he was, forever.

1:00 AM.

He was running through a forest, brambles whipping him, and he was screaming and crying and he didn't know where he was and it was awful, he wanted Remus, they had his Remus, and he needed to protect him but he couldn't, he could only run and cry and scream and shout and fall.

1:00 AM.

He woke up to the sounds of whimpers, and he would never have heard if it hadn't been so close to the full moon. James had half sat up, rubbing his eyes, and Remus whispered, "I've got it."

He was already out of bed, opening the curtains and sitting on Sirius' bed, and he woke him up gently, wanting to kiss the nightmares away, and he felt nearly sick at such a _girly_ thought.

"Remus," Sirius sighed when he woke up, and there was a smile on his face. He reached up a hand, stroking Remus' cheek, and sighed in contentment. "You're all right, love."

The endearment had slipped from his lips with such ease, that Remus wasn't sure if he was dreaming or hallucinating. He just sat there, watching Sirius, and the lazy smile that had appeared left Sirius' face, and Remus felt his heart fall.

"I didn't, er, mean…" Sirius tried to start, but stopped. He sighed. "I'm lying."

There was a tiny flame of hope in Remus' chest, but he refused to let himself get excited. "What?"

"It's now or never," Sirius half-muttered. "I'm sorry." He leaned close, and Remus could feel his warm breath on his face, and his eyelids fluttered shut. He had never felt this close to anyone, and somehow his hand came up and stroked Sirius' cheek. He snapped his eyes open and looked Sirius in the eye, and they were so, so close, and Remus wanted it, wanted it like he'd never wanted anything, and if he'd thought he'd craved Sirius before, it was _nothing_ compared to now, to be so close. Their breath mixed, and then Sirius closed the gap, and they were kissing, he was snogging _Sirius freaking Black_, and they were kissing harshly, and a moan escaped one of them or both of them, and then Sirius flew back, hand over his mouth.

"I apologize," he said stiffly, "if you didn't, er, want that." He coughed, and Remus just stared at him, his breathing refusing to go back to normal. "I'm going to blame my dream," Sirius tried again, "you know how I get when I'm asleep, my inhibitions are lowered and I just don't know-"

"Sirius?"

"What?" The word was guarded.

There was a recklessness burning a hole in Remus' chest, and he gulped. "I wanted it. Please, please, shut up and kiss me."

They would exchange sweet nothings later. Now was a time to drink in Sirius, to finally have him after so many years of wanting and waiting. He had to make it real, had to convince himself it wasn't a joke.

Sirius smiled, and it was a real smile, and there were tears in Remus' eyes. Sirius was happy, so much happier than Remus had ever seen him, and there was a hand on the back of his neck before Sirius spoke.

"My pleasure."

"Looks like you didn't need my help after all," came a soft voice, and James was laughing, and Remus chucked a pillow at him before leaning into Sirius again.

"I love you," he whispered as they lay there, just being together. "I don't want to freak you out, but… I do. I've loved you for a while, and I know that you, you know, you're Sirius Black and you don't do romance like this, but I do, and if you could-"

Sirius was laughing, and it was a soft sound, a whispered laugh. "Remus, shut up," he whispered. "I… I love you too. And I would very much like to have a _romance_ with you, as you put it."

And so it was done.

**What did you think? Please, leave a review; it means **_**so much**_** to hear what you think. (:**


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